So you’re shooting your first wedding reception in a dark room and you don’t know how to use off-camera flash, and your on-camera flash is too harsh. You’re not certain how to take good photos in with just that on-camera flash. You’re nervous. You’re scared. But you shouldn’t be. We’re going to list the things we use to diffuse on-camera flash and soften up that light.
1) The Bald Head of a Pale-Skinned Man
This one works, but you’ll want someone paler and more weak-willed if you can find them.
Let’s talk about bouncing that flash off a white surface. It goes without saying that there will be a bald man at this wedding. There’s a bald man at every wedding. You’re looking for a bald man that’s still got hair on the sides of his head, because he’s weak-willed. He’s too weak to shave it all off and too weak to get plugs or a toupee. In a pinch a man with a toupee will work, you just need to rip it off and embarrass him to assert your dominance. Do not attempt something like this with a man who shaves his head clean though. A man like that will destroy you. So now that you’ve found an adequately bald man, grab your baldo and point your flash directly at his forehead. Then make him follow you around all night giving you a flat, pale surface to bounce that light off. Be kind though and make sure you give him a little sunscreen to keep his pate from burning under the intense flash rays and at the end of the night rub a little aloe onto his skin, cause even with the sunscreen it’ll still be burned.
2) Smoke From A Pile of Lit Sparklers
Three is okay, but three hundred is always better.
These were probably being saved for the send-off but what’s more important, the first dance or the send-off? Throw these bad boys on the dance floor and light them up! There’s a 53% chance these explode with force and a 97% chance you catch the venue on fire. But if you don’t blow the wedding up, think of that delicious light you’ll have sparkling on the dance floor and the smoke you can use to diffuse your harsh flash. Oooooooh baby that’s going to be beautiful! Then think how fantastical and romantic it’ll look when the sprinklers turn on to put out the fire you caused and it looks like it’s raining inside. Getting shivers just thinking about how magical this will be.
3) gary Fong Lightsphere Bubble Wrap
Like this, but on your flash head, not your head.
Jump on Amazon and make full use of that Amazon prime account that isn’t being used to watch Daisy Jones and the Six, whatever the hell that is. You’re going to order a Gary Fong Lightsphere and have it same-day shipped. When it arrives you’re going to open the box, take out that sweet bubble wrap, resist popping it, wrap it around your flash, and then you’ll throw that worthless Gary Fong Lightsphere in the garbage where it belongs. You got those plastic air bubbles doing the hard work of diffusing your flash now baby. Let’s gooooo!
4) Summon a ghost
This ghost will give your flash a nice tungsten glow.
If Nearly Headless Nick’s ghostly apparition can keep the basilisk from killing Justin Finch-Fletchley then your dead relatives should be able to keep your on-camera flash from blowing out the people giving toasts at dinner. So grab an Ouija board or do a seance and bring Gam-Gam back for a night to help you out.
5) Shoot through the smoke billowing out of the muzzle of a gun you just stole from a cop and fired
The odds of this dude being in jail in the 18th century are high.
Look, you’re going to do some hard time for this one because it’s hella illegal, but at least you’ll have that good, good light in the photos they use as evidence during your trial. If you live in America there should be a police officer hired to work security at most weddings because of our incredibly violent nation. On the bright side, this means finding a police officer and stealing their gun should be relatively easy. But given the incredibly lax Gun laws in America you’ll probably start a gun fight at the reception., which just means more gun smoke to diffuse your flag and create those beautiful, timeless photos. Just try not to get the couple shot
How do you diffuse flash?
Drop a comment below and let us know how you diffuse your flash. We can’t wait to try out all the diffusers you recommend in 5-10 years depending on good behavior!